10 Propositions on modern manners

A list prepared for the Today Programme and broadcast in part, 11 June, 2005

Women: no more than an inch of visible cleavage before 8pm
Women: no midriff on display after the age of 25
Girls: no midriff on display before the age of 15
Men: no sleeveless singlets in supermarkets at any time
Men: no sleeveless singlets in public over the age of 30
Everyone: hold your personal stereo earpieces at arm's length, if you can hear them, so can I
Everyone: in public, have your phone on vibrate. Only nerds and birds trill
Everyone: in public, you need only speak to your phone as you would tell a secret to a friend sitting beside you
Young people in hoodies: smile and saying good morning to anyone old you meet.
Everyone: assume that upper bum cleavage is ugly. If in doubt, bend over and check your rear.